What I actually said today vs. what I wanted to say:

Sorry that we billed your account (even though you did not tell us to change anything) / Your crazy is no match for my KUNG_FU… WAAAAAAA

You can’t really compare your new price to an existing 30 year customer / You have to be shitting me…you are bitching over a couple dollars? You are wasting more money that that complaining about it here, now over the phone.

Yes I am sure the time difference is causing a problem / Look buddy, if you lie about the state you live in then live in a different state for years and fail to tell us you are lucky to get that claim covered.

Yes I realize 4^th of July is on a Saturday / OH MY GOD NO THREE DAY WEEKEND….. AHHHHHH!

Yes it is a pleasant day / If I don’t get outside soon I am going to bang my head on my desk until I fall into unconsciousness.

Ok that answer might be obvious to some… / is sarakastabitch a word?

Rates are trending up right now…/ times are tough all over: newsflash the economy is a giant crapfest, welcome to the show.

Lets just set a time to get the paperwork done/ if you reschedule on me one more time, I will hunt you down.

Yes I can see where you might think that / That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard, in fact if stupid and crazy had a retarded son it would be smarter that what you just said.