Vapor Life

Vapor life... My life as it is, as it should be. *********************************************************************************************************** Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep. Fran Lebowitz (1950 - )

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

My printer is out to get me, and other tales of paranoia.

Look I am not one to complain but this HP printer is the biggest piece of crap ever made. I am not sure, but I think if crap itself could crap it would crap out something like this. What I mean to say: it’s a giant plastic box of whirring, paper eating, ink smearing, duplex clogging, file flubbing, productivity sucking, stinking waste of my time. I hate it.

Today it proved the feeling is mutual.

Its bad enough that it takes an act of congress to print an envelope. Really, does it have to be that hard? Not to mention HP’s thinly veiled plan to make stinking wads of cash by producing the cheapest machine possible and making ever more expensive and ink cartridges and replaceable printed heads (seriously printer heads?) is almost more insulting than calling this a printer in the first place. Almost. Here is idea for the next year printer: a completely empty box, for next to nothing, and the entire printer, feed, duplexer, and inner-workings are attached to one of 17 required and ridiculously priced ink cartridges, sell them for about $1000 a piece and you have a business model to run with.

Yet it overcame all this to prove what a potent enemy it could be.

In a single act of defiance, its refusal to print on the grounds of a non-existent paper jam was just the right amount to incessantly infuriating insanity that I am not sure how it escaped me throwing it into the snow bank. Waiting until I was insanely busy, and showing me the same impossible error over and over again…a masterpiece of soul crushing cyber terrorism that had to be by design. I am sad to say, I was defeated, the printer had won.

If it will not work tomorrow, I only have one last recourse. A new printer for me. Not before complete and utter dismantle and inspection down to the last circuit board. Just to prove there is not one fiber of paper in the machine causing a jam... and maybe a little revenge.



At 11:14 AM, Blogger » sahil said...

I came here via Blogs of Note, and I just loved the way this post is written =)

At 11:35 AM, Blogger Beano said...

Thanks and for the record ITS STILL NOT WORKING

At 11:38 AM, Blogger » sahil said...


Did you ... err, try hitting it? :P

At 9:02 PM, Blogger Magz said...

After having a good laugh at your expense I find it even funnier that the ads in your Google AsSense are all for HP printers and ink! LMAO!!!!!

At 12:31 AM, Blogger Beano said...

Oh the irony.
Hitting it only seems to anger it.

At 12:05 PM, Blogger Josh said...

It's actually cheaper to just buy a new printer than the cartridges at this point! A new printer will run you... what? Maybe $100-$150? With cartridges ($25-$40) and printheads ($25-$50) there's no way you can't be saving money in the long run!

Of course, math is not my strong suit...


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