Happy F'N Friday

( for my insurance people out there)

Dear Public:

Let me answer all of you questions at once. Please pick the appropriate answer from the list below:

If those are the coverage on you policy, those are the coverages you chose. No we did not change them, it is unlikely there was an error despite the fact that you are sure you choose (insert better coverage here).

Yes I am glad you *think* your claim should be covered but if the facts point to (insert cause not covered) this is going to be denied by the claims department. Unless you can change the cause because I can not get them to change he policy.

I am sorry your policy canceled. It seems that you must actually pay the premium
in the allotted time. Yes notices were mailed out, yes more than one. I am sorry
you moved to (insert distant land or theoretical plane of existence) and did not get
your mail forwarded. You might have noticed you were not paying for (insert unreasonable amount of time).

I am sorry that your mothers-boyfriends sisters-cousins policy is cheaper than yours. It is really hard to compare your situation with that of another who has a completely different set of variable than you. No it really does not seem fair does it?

Oh… Im sorry your household bill, that includes 10 different polcies fluctuates a lot? Gee you only had 13 changes last year, I am sure I can figure out why you bill was off .32 cents in Feb 2005. I will call you back Oct 2019 with the answer.

Let me get this straight… You live in (an inexpensive area) but you get your mail at (PO box in very expensive area) because it is more convent for you to drive three counties over to retrieve you mail. OK, well I will just ignore the returned mail marked forwarding expired correct address to (expensive area) and get right on that. No really I totally believe you. Thanks for sending me a fax explaining all this from the office of the apartment complex where you don’t live.